From a young age, I have been an outgoing person, thriving off of the company of others. My mother has told me stories of myself as a child, in the center of a group of children, amusing them and making them laugh. By the time I had left home at 18 for college, I was accustomed to stopping to talk to anyone and everyone, whether they be a lifelong friend, or someone whose shoes I liked. I would frustrate friends who would take trips with me to the mall, only for them to have to stand by while I tried to catch up with someone I hadn’t seen in a while. It wasn’t hard for me to make friends in college-I was thrilled to be in an environment where everyone wanted the same thing-to make friends and feel included. I would simply walk to up people and start talking to them, easily finding common interests or making jokes to break the ice. It is just who I am, and I consider my outgoing nature and love for people my leading character trait. I love talking to people, hearing them and their stories, and learning about them.
But as time went on, I started noticing something unsettling. The more people I talked to, the more I realized…actual interest in people was not common. I found the stories, experiences, and memories of others something that genuinely interested me. But as I talked to people, and listened to them, it came to my attention how desperately they wanted to be heard. How much they wanted to have someone ask a question.. and actually want to hear the answer…not just find a way to edge a story about themselves into the conversation. And I realized that as much as I wanted to talk to people…all I really need to do is listen. I had a simple conversation a few weeks ago with a boy working in a retail store in the mall. I had a question about an item, and the conversation basically lead into us talking about his job there, and another he had in construction, and what he wanted to do with his life. Near the end of our conversation, he told me “you’re probably the nicest person I’ve talked to in like three months. Thanks for actually listening to me.” I did little more than ask a few questions here and there, and simply listened to what he had to say. But somehow, the simplicity of listening was all he needed.
When I made the choice 7 months ago to pack up and move away from my small hometown in central Illinois to live in the Twin Cities in Minnesota, I imagined my outgoing nature and curiosity in people would carry over and I would continue to make friends. Moving 500 miles from home is certainly a topic that can break the ice. People are curious at what would cause someone to do such a thing, and even more so, how could you leave the comforts of friends and family to move somewhere that you don’t know anyone? I try to make my story short and simple-I love God, and I love people, and I felt this is where I needed to be. My story gives me the opportunity to talk to people, and with these conversations I can easily Segway into what I really want to do. Ask about them. Talk to them about their lives, experiences, families, friends, and what matters to them. In fact, as often as I can when meeting new people here, I try to quickly divert the topic from myself, and dig into the interests of others. I know that I have a story to tell-but so does everyone else.
When we really reflect on our lives-why is it that constantly, our own interests are all we care about and want to talk about? There are 6.9 billion people in this world, some similar to us, some incredibly different, but not one person exactly the same. So why not take an interest in someone besides yourself? Why is making an effort to listen so much harder than wanting to talk about what we have to say. Often I find that we are so busy trying to think of what to say next that we aren’t even listening to what is currently being said to us. Jesus told parables-but he also listened to others with compassion, and loved them when they needed to be heard.
So that’s my challenge to myself daily. As interesting as I'd like to think think I am, and as much as Iwant to be heard-realize that everyone around you has a story, and they want to be heard. Don't be afraid of someone who doesn't fit into your box or culture. Talk to someone different-let someone’s experiences truly amaze you. You might be surprised at how much you’ve missed if you simply listen.
